I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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