Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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