i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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