ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
