he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
