I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
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well most of my day revolves around power hour
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
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No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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