so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
When are your genitals available?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize