so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
