her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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