btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
