never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
