Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
