the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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