and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
this hospital has no fireball
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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