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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"

  (1-401): View more from Rhode Island

  um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..

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• (936): View more from Texas

  Booty calls should never involve the cops.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.

  (425): View more from Washington

  .... touche....

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• (916): View more from California

  Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  where will you be at 9:30 tonight?

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  piledriving you in your roommate's bed?

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• (530): View more from California

  Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.

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• (435): View more from Utah

  All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive

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• (808): View more from Hawaii

  God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable

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