Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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