can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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