Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My hand turned me down
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
