Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you would pick up someone in the library
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
