Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
