I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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