Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
