I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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