Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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