I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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