so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
