the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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