Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Plan B is the new Plan A
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
