You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
