i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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