I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You ruined the universe
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
