ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
