Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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