you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
