i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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