If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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