He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
