am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
