when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Randomize
