Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize