When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled if crying burns calories
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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