hotel room ftw
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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