Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
