Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
