everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
