I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
