A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
