it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
not ubering you a puppy
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
