have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
