the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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