drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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