Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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