Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
