Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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