Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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