How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
