oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
