You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
