she was so not down for the gang bang
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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