Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
