people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
