we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
