why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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