One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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