Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
